{Poem} Me, it’s still me

From the snide remarks, statements, and facts;
When chronically ill
These all carry equal weight,
Cutting you just as deep.
To the fly away comments;
I’m still filled with dread
And guilt.

I am different
To you
And
You;
I’m painfully reminded of that
Everyday.
From my friends complaining
About 2 000 word essays,
Exams, deadlines
And holidays.
To jobs, pay
And play;
Dates and soulmates.
I’m just trying
To stay afloat
The best I can;
The only way
I know.

Most mean no harm
Nor spit words of hate –
They are living their life.
We are no longer
Side-by-side
Silly and young;
Diverted paths
We all take.
Some for better,
Some for worse.
I’m still deciding
What mine is?

Today my pain
Reached new heights.
My feet screamed
With every step.
My joints creaked
And my muscles moaned.
My eyes were drowning
In a salty swell.
I wanted to fade away

Or go away.
I switch off my mind;
Numbing my emotions.
It’s all too raw
And chilling
To swim amongst
My shedded selves;
Lost memories
Buried dreams
Sacrifices and scars.

Today I forget.
I look for peace;
I find solace
In silence.
I find meaning
In our flourishing garden.
I see life
All around me.
Bees, birds
Butterflies –
All busy.
The fly with instinct
And with reason;
They move
Majestically.

I need to learn
To take flight
And spread my wings again;
Setting my sights
Beyond the horizon.

 


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